The cold autumn is deep in this years cycle now, it drives out all warmth and mundane green from the landscape. I trudge briskly and thoughtfully among the street, careful to watch who goes by lest they hear my thoughts. Oh, these precious thoughts that I have kept as close to me as I could, once upon a time only daring to look upon them during the peace of night. Peaceful thoughts need peaceful domains, yet sometimes they bleed into my mind during the daze I encounter in the sunlight.
My ideas and my hopes are one. My will is my future for I know what I want, and whom. My will, my future, my wants. Two months previous, I learned to understand how not only to accept the course before me, but that Fate herself would never stray me from Her path without meaning. So now I knew. So now I waited.
I ascended the stairs that led me to my dreams and another form of peace. The blessing of ensuring my desires corresponded to my location was one I was thankful for by the day, by the hour. When I had finally let the peace permeate my body, I accepted the beauty of the land I had so craved which I had finally been given.
Yet although peace warmed me, it never restrained my thoughts. Indeed, it kept a firm grasp on my desires, my concerns, and my future, yet my thoughts were my constant companions, as well as my constant reminders. Always, almost in an act of defiance that I only meant as impatience, I whispered to the wind that so cozily wound its way around me:
'When?'
Never would it answer, although it always guided me, as it always had and always would. Like a mute friend, it now led me on, past the manifestations time took as it materialised seconds in my mind like walls I would never be able to scale unless I was dreaming.
Onward I pressed, into the gateway the oaken doors provided, within the building that symbolised so many pieces of my heart. My present and indeed, my future were entwined within this place and my duties. It was the cushioning between my thoughts and the tangible world.
Except, somehow today there was no barrier.
I didn't understand. How could my Fate be permeating my mind, and my logic? It dazed me, shortened my breath as if there was cotton in my lungs yet in the most pleasant sense, as if I was learning I no longer needed to breathe.
In my daze, my senses were muted. It was as if I was in the most subtle of dreams, or the most powerful of fantasies. Nothing was solid, nothing existed beyond my purpose, my Fate.
And then, suddenly! The barrier between this netherworld and the tangible one was broken with one word. My name, called from behind me. This was a surprise, for even in states such as the one I had just been subject to I am well aware of my identity in the plane where I live and breathe and work and exist in all tangible senses of the word. My name is not something I could imagine forgetting nor something powerful enough to break through the reality I had previously been experiencing.
I turned to face what I had been confronted with, and my surprise disappeared. It was power before my eyes because I had given power over to such a manifestation, over to so many thoughts and understandings, compromises I had proposed and never needed, faith and hope I should have always entrusted to Fate. My poor mind, would it ever learn?
As my eyes filled with visions more glorious than sight, I knew more than peace, more than I could imagine, more and more than I had been promised.
More than my thoughts, forever blinded and silenced within this new light, could have ever imagined.
